27.11.10

Stormtroopers Missing Badly


So, this has bugged Da-da ever since he was forced to watch, "Empire Strikes Back," 54 times without sound when he worked a speakerless box office at a drive-in back in '81 (ACK, ANCIENT HONKY DA-DA ALERT), but since his FIVE YEAR OLD recently picked this out during a recent viewing...

"Da-da, why are the Stormtroopers always missing?"

Da-da said something nice, of course, about them having a bad day or missing on purpose, but for lack of a better explanation: Stormtroopers suck, son. If they didn't, the plot would grind to a halt, and that right soon. Their marksmanship is horrendous, plastic suits of "armor" useless, organization terrible and in disarray, and horribly prone to cheap Jedi Mind Tricks. Bottom line: Stormtroopers need better training... and man, does their moral suick from watching so many of their brethren choked and fried by the Dark Side.

Which begs the question: why do so many people dress up as stormtroopers when they suck so bad and lose in the end? Are these people nostalgic for fascism? That's as weird as Franklin aced out by whitey. And while Da-da has you, how can any Stormtrooper tell who outranks any other Stormtrooper? They all look alike, save for Lord Vader and his black-clad nasties. Whatever. Like Hewlett-Packard employees, maybe they're telepathic clones.

Well, as The Old Man of the Sci-fi Mountain, Da-da dimly recalls another group whose aim wasn't that good -- but it was a hell of a lot better than Vader's schmoes -- so the below snap could have something to do with Stormtroopers missing badly:


And which came first: the Clones, or the Cylons? And how soon till you hear THIS at an airport near you?

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