26.2.15

Da-da's Top 11 (Mostly Legal) Tools to Help You Stay Calm With Your Difficult Child


What are the real keys to avoiding constant fights with your child? Believe it or not, it's the stuff you see below. When your child is upset, anxious or angry, keeping the following 11 things handy will save you and your child, and will invariably guarantee the release of countless doves and bunnies.
So, next time you're faced with an impossible child and your own cranial Chernobyl, try one of these
11 helpful parenting tips.

11. A Cautionary Tale

The right story can diffuse many a bad situation... and of course, warm those cockles.

10. A Hug

Never underestimate the power of a group hug.
 
9. Crocodiles

Never underestimate the power of a crocodile in a book case.

 8. A Dancing Chicken

23.2.15

Monday's OTHER Cat...


Monday's OTHER cat has a bug on it.


Tuesday's OTHER cat is simply a git.

 
Wednesday's OTHER cat is ready for space.


Thursday's OTHER cat is all over the place.


Friday's OTHER cat has a murderous glare.


Saturday's OTHER cat is in there somewhere.


But Sunday's OTHER cat, which hates to rhyme,
is plotting to kill you all of the time.


 
Monday's OTHER Cat by A Man Called Da-da

Monday's OTHER cat has a bug on it.
Tuesday's OTHER cat is simply a git.
Wednesday's OTHER cat is ready for space.
Thursday's OTHER cat is all over the place.
Friday's OTHER cat has a murderous glare.
Saturday's OTHER cat is in there somewhere.
But Sunday's OTHER cat, which hates to rhyme,
is plotting to kill you all of the time.
 

Don't you just HATE cat poetry?



22.2.15

But the Cat That Wakes on the Day of the Sun...


... is so happy to find you sized for fun.

Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

21.2.15

Saturday's Cat...



Saturday's cat is off to Nome... if he can ever get out of New Jersey.


Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

20.2.15

Friday's Cat...



Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.


Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

19.2.15

Three Wise STIGS and The 13 STIG-MA-DA-DA-DA of Accumbularation


That's right, Da-da is The STIG-DA-DA, one of the Three Wise Stigs
known for his unique accumbularation... but all he really does is race minivans. Very very fast.

And with that bombshell, it's time for some original, Da-da-induced STIG-MA-DA-DA-DA-isms (and if there are any mistakes, that'll spawn STIG-MA-DA-DA-DA ERRATA). Here we go:

STIG-MA-DA-DA-DA 1.0
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA was only created to test minivans... and that his hands are sewn into a Nomex straightjacket.
  • Some say... he once ate a windmill made entirely of cheese... and that a river will NOT run through him.
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA once ingested a lump of coal and pooped out a diamond... and that Julie Andrews sings about him constantly.
  • Some say... he was invented by BEES... and his spare testicle runs St. Petersburg.
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA's underpants won the war -- any war -- and his shinbones are hewn from blocks of pure aluminium.
  • Some say... his tear ducts are the main source of all horseradish... and that he can only understand the Language of Love.
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA's mons pubis orbits the planet Jupiter... and his pheremones once ruined the CERN supercollider.
  • Some say... his notions of antedeluvian art are unprintable... and he's considered a genius of snake husbandry.
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA twice pedaled a Panamanian freighter through the streets of Mogadishu... and that his oeuvre is unpronounceable by Jeremy Clarkson's pet monitor lizard.
  • Some say... he has no grasp of Euclidean Anamorphism... and that his tacos require no shell.
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA can make small children do his bidding... but only because they share the same brain.
  • Some say... that he begins and ends in ellipsis... and automatic doors open for him when he's not even there.
  • Some say... The STIG-DA-DA can be conceptualized only in sets of 13... and that he ironically suffers from Triskaidekaphobia.
...all we know is, he's called The STIG-DA-DA.


Some say... The STIG-DA-DA once drove a "CHRISTINE" movie stunt car so fast she spontaneously burst into flames.


2015: Year of the Levitating Sheep


Mark Da-da's words: 2015 will be the greatest Year of the Sheep in human history.
You will believe a SHEEP can fly.

[NOTE: This is NOT the same as The Year of Levitating Sheep Dangerously. Totally different.]

Thursday's Cat...



Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe... and maybe a gyroscope.


Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

18.2.15

Wednesday's Cat...


Wednesday's cat is full of NO.


Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

17.2.15

Tuesday's Cat...


Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.



Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

16.2.15

Monday's Cat Needs Coffee...


...and a paramedic.                                                                                                                 [via cuteheaven]


Monday's Cat by A Man Called Da-da
 
Monday's cat needs coffee.
Tuesday's cat... can't find a rhyme for coffee.
Wednesday's cat is full of NO.
Thursday's cat needs a cup-o-joe.
Friday's cat gets drunk and goes home.
Saturday's cat is off to Nome.
But the cat that wakes on the Day of the Sun
is happy to find you sized for fun.

12.2.15

The Eilean Mor Lighthouse Mystery SOLVED? [PART 1]


Why does Da-da feel like he's going to be asked to go here?

Time to solve a 115-year-old mystery? Da-da tried, but his explorations just deepened the mystery -- and frankly made Da-da a little nervous to go on. Whole books have been written about The Eilean Mor Lighthouse Mystery, where three lighthouse keepers simply vanished in mid-December of the year 1900. Da-da would love to tell you that this mystery is solved, but... well, Da-da may have just made matters worse. Almost for fun, he asked two psychics what happened. He wasn't all that thrilled with what he found out.

First, let's recap the details via this excellent write-up at the blog, Unsolved Mystery:

The Disappearance at Eilean Mor Lighthouse

The Outer Hebrides island chain off the western coast of Scotland is one of the most remote locations in the world, bedrock formed of ancient metamorphic rock home to the Carloway Broch, and Loch Nessand its famous monster. The Flannan Isles, also known as the Seven Hunters, are seven uninhabited islands on the western-most edge of the chain; and in December 1900, the largest of these — Eilean Mor (Gaelic for “Big Island”) — became the site of an unsolved mystery when three lighthouse keepers vanished without any apparent explanation.The Atlantic Ocean off the Flannan Isles is rough and treacherous. So many ships had been lost there that in 1895, a lighthouse was finally built on Eilean Mor – an undertaking of considerable logistical difficulty as the building materials had to be hauled up a 150 foot cliff (45 meters.) Once construction was finished, three lighthouse keepers were installed: head keeper James Ducat, first assistant Thomas Marshall, and second assistant Donald McArthur. All three men were seasoned veterans of the storms; Ducat, 43, had over 20 years experience at lighthouse keeping, while Marshall and McArthur were both seamen.The keepers worked on a rotating watch of 14 days; food and supplies were brought to them as weather permitted. In mid-December, one of the three was due to return to the mainland for a break, to be replaced by a keeper named Joseph Moore.

The lighthouse had been operating for little over a year when on December 14, 1900, a tremendous storm waylaid the Scottish coast, battering the Eilean Mor lighthouse and surrounding countryside. The very next evening, December 15, Captain Holman, skipper of the SS Archer sailing nearby, noted that the Eilean Mor lighthouse had gone dark and reported this to the nearest shore station by Morse code.

Stormy weather began churning the seas again the very next day. It wasn’t until one day after Christmas that the weather calmed sufficiently to allow the SS Hesperes to land Joseph Moore on the island for his replacement shift. The keeper who he was slated to replace was supposed to be waiting for him on the island’s east landing. But no one waited at the jetty which Moore noted had been terribly damaged by the storms.

Panicked, Moore ran to the lighthouse. There he found the ashes of a cold fireplace and an upended chair as though the person sitting in it had stood up very quickly. On the kitchen table sat a half eaten meal of salted mutton and potatoes. Missing was a toolbox, and two sets of oilskins and boots belonging to James Ducat and Thomas Marshall. The final entry in the logbook, recorded by James Ducat at 9am on December 15, read, “Storm ended, sea calm. God is over all.”

No other signs of the missing men were ever found.

When Moore and the Hesperes crew explored the island, they found that even more damage had been sustained by the windward side of the island. The jetty was twisted; the ropes and jibs of the platform used to hoist supplies scattered about; the iron staircase on the side of the cliff twisted and misshapen.

An official investigation launched into the disappearance of the lighthouse keepers concluded that the men might have taken advantage of the break in the weather to explore the damage on the western side of the island. There they may have been swept away by a giant wave. But that conclusion doesn’t explain the signs of hurried leave-taking found in the men’s living quarters.

Various interpretations were offered. Perhaps one of the men had been driven mad by the inclement weather and had turned on his colleagues, before hurling himself in the ocean. Perhaps mold had grown in the men’s food, poisoning it with a hallucinogenic substance.
Local inhabitants offer another explanation.

Eilean Mor was once a Viking outpost, and a ghostly Viking longboat was said to haunt the local seas. Indeed, the crew of the Fairwin – one of the vessels sent out to investigate why the lighthouse had gone out on December 15 – reported seeing a ghostly longboat on that night, crewed by warriors with faces the color of bone: Three men in oilskin raingear were rowing that boat. Could the lighthouse keepers have run afoul of ancient ghosts?
Whatever the truth, the mysterious disappearance of the Eilean Mor lighthouse keepers remains one of Scotland’s most enduring mysteries.

And with that, perhaps it should stay a mystery.


Enter the Psychics

Scores of theories and books have been presented over the years on this mystery, yet nothing has come to light to even begin to explain what happened -- that is, until now.

Before Da-da reviewed the psychics' findings, his first thought was that the lighthouse crew had indeed accidently ingested some contaminated food, as was assumed in the infamous Le Pain Maudit ("Cursed Bread") Mystery where the entire French village of Pont-Saint Esprit went mad, before it was discovered to have been a CIA LSD experiment. But the psychics' findings were more mysterious, if not equally sinister.

Having spent years vetting various sensitive folks (no one seems to like the term "psychic" much), Da-da asked two very talented psychics to help solve the Eilean Mor Lighthouse Mystery. Da-da's questions were simple: What happened to the lighthouse keepers of Eilean Mor? Is there something historically strange about that piece of land?

Psychic #1:
Eerie. The weather is calm. Guys out of their minds, mad. Sweating, hallucinating, like something is chasing them. They jumped off the cliff, into the water and died. The land is cursed? Something underneath is dark, energetically wrong. Some negative force radiates out and causes people to go crazy. Hallucinations, fear, panic, anything negative. Like water dripping, it starts small, then escalates into something huge in the mind.
Psychic #2:
I see someone being chased by bees... only there are no bees. It's all in their mind. They're waving at nothing, running, terrified. Something... some kind of dark energy from below is making them crazy. They jump into the water... gone.
But that's not all the psychics had on this topic. Da-da will save that for later.

Denouement?

Da-da doesn't mean to be coy, here. This information may beg the insertion of a brave team of researchers and psychics to actually spend some quality time on Eilean Mor, but that may not be as necessary as one would think. Da-da has an idea of what may have caused this particular mania which he learned about in other research... but he's going to save that for Part Two, as it's so bizarre and unbelievable -- and frankly a little terrifying -- as to warrant it's own post. Factually, Da-da would prefer NOT to write about this, as he doesn't want people poking around this particular... thing. Yes, even Da-da has trouble with this one. How's that for mysterious?

Da-da certainly didn't expect this result. He meant this post to begin 2015, but after viewing the findings and follow-up, he's been dragging his feet about writing it up, as it literally dredges up a huge and ancient and mythic can of worms with big nasty teeth that precious few responsible adults want brought to the surface. There may not be a Part 2. Some questions don't need to be answered until certain societies have grown up a bit, and this may be one of them. What the world needs now is indeed love. And restraint.


Some mysteries might need to stay mysteries.

6.2.15

Stormageddon 2.0 Radiation Readings for Northern CA


Oh, that's shocking. Oh wait... no, it isn't.

Ok, here are the latest inside/outside radiation readings Da-da took for this latest "STORMAGEDDON" 2.0 -- that has again been hyped all out of proportion. Some wind, some rain. A trash can blew over. We will rebuild. Da-da placed his Radalert 100 geiger counter in a plastic bag to keep from contaminating the unit. Any radiation would obviously go right through the bag -- save for PLASTICONS, but those all run for Congress and are easy to spot.

As you can see, outside rad levels are only a bit higher than inside. For comparison, here are Da-da's radiation readings from STORMAGEDDON 1.0. And for those wags who dared to suggest that Da-da is a shill for the Powers That Were (!), you obviously haven't read much of Da-da's blog, not to mention his books. Ah, but his books *are* a bit of a secret, as he's not been hyping himself in this venue at all. That either tells you that Da-da either hates selling people things -- even at his own expense -- or he's just dumb. Factually, both of those could be correct.

Anyway, those are the readings. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Slightly higher than last time, but still WAY low.
[NOTE: This is only one set of readings, taken once at noon on 2-6-15. You'd obviously have to have a team of trained researchers to do a thorough study. Da-da offers this post as hopefully the beginning of people checking things out for themselves.]

4.2.15

A Pillar of Light Runs Through It [UPDATES2]





Anyone recall Da-da mentioning something about "Pillars of Light"? This is one. In Michigan. And no, it's not part of a power plant explosion, though the authorities will probably say things like that. This is only the beginning -- and it's a good thing, so relax. However, it should be noted that... THAT'S A LIGHT BEING. An entity. A highly placed one. They're not exactly ETs, though they do come from somewhere else. They're coming here for something special, what they call, "The Big Show." Anyway, here are Da-da's previous 'Pillars of Light' posts:





Yes, Da-da knows these are caused by ice crystals.




[UPDATE1: Lynn the Internet Oracle has also written about this today, HERE.]

[UPDATE2: Talk about fresh reports -- Da-da's had a report from HIS MOTHER (!) of a Pillar of Light in an unpopulated area in northern Idaho. Note that Da-da's mother has NEVER seen anything weird, save Da-da's father.]
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